_________you broke a promise_______
Hey all. Ain't been doin' nothin' lately but tryna decide where I want to live. Logically, I should stay in FL with my mom and them b/c I have school to attend to here. My mom wants me here, reason number 2. Number 3 is that I'll be able to start driving b/c I got signed up for Driver's Ed. And that's about it. Emotionally and where my heart is telling me I should be is in Omaha. My mom and I have had a couple in-depth talks about this, and I always feel full of opinions -mostly hers- when they're done. She's made some good points in our discussions, and I always try to listen to her side, but most of the time it's hard to be serious with her because we always go right back to joking. I know I had a good life when I was in Omaha, had friends and the family was good and school was going awesome and I figured I'd stay up there junior and senior year. I could have stayed, I know I could have, and a part of me says that I made the choice to move down here. But then everyone else (meaning my best friend and my grandparents and a lot of other folks back in Omaha) says that no, that's wrong, that my mom made me come down here. I'm not sure which to believe anymore, and I wish I could just make up my damn mind as to where I want to live! As my mom so eloquently puts it, I'm 17 and I should make my own decision as to where to live. In my mind, she's just trying to guilt me into staying with her, but who knows? I haven't lived with her and the rest of them for 2 years now, and then all the sudden out of the blue she wants me to live with her? There's a good reason as to why I left to live with my grandparents two years ago, and I think I did what Ms. King -my psychology teacher down here- calls 'repression'. It's a coping mechanism in which people take bad things that have happened to them, and they push them into their subconcious, where they lie in wait forgotten until something comes along to bring back the event or memory or whatever. In my case, I moved in w/ my grandparents from my mom's house b/c of my stepfather molesting me back when I was eleven. When we came back from Virginia, he tried to pull some shit on me again and this time I told my mom. So after all that happened, that's supposedly (according to my mom) why I moved in w/ my grandparents. Where does this happen to fit in w/ the rest of the shit in my life? Well it's just telling you why I lived with my grandparents for that long period of time. Actually, I've had this thought in my head that my stepdad is just keeping away from me until I turn 18, that way if I consented to doing something with him then it'd be ok since I'd be of age. Not that I'd want to do anything with him but in the minds of some sexually abused kids, sex with the predator seems like it'd be a fun thing to do or whatever. I'd better end this before I shoot my mouth off some more. But to end this, I'd just like to say that I should move back in with my grandparents. Maybe my mom was right and I've been thinking on this issue (moving back to Omaha, not the other stuff) with emotion and not enough of my head, and I think she's right, but in the end, I think the good decision would be to be with my grandparents, back in my old and comfortable life. G2GAlysia
fallen on Wednesday, Dec. 22, 2004, 12:39 p.m.